My dad always made sure that we had food in our stomachs and socks on our feet. We never wanted for anything although we did not have the designer clothes that the girls in school had. My dad said he was going to go looking for monuments in Essex County NJ and I really was not shocked at all. He said that he wanted to make sure that we did not have to worry about any of those things after he died. I really respected my dad for what he said and what he did. I found that my dad was always making sure he was taken care of so that we did not have to take care of him. I feel sad that he was planning out his death plans, but I have no idea what it is like for him. It seems funny to me that he is planning his own funeral and I cannot do anything about it. I thought that I may be ready to go and look at them with him but I was not feeling so good about it.
My friends told me that it was weird that my dad was looking at plots and the funeral home already, but I said that was what my dad wanted. I wanted to make sure that he was okay and knew that I was going to be okay so I went along with it. It was not very happy, but it was a good experience that we had together and I feel very lucky that we were able to do something like that together. I wanted to show him that I could be strong even when I did not feel like I had anything left inside of me. I was really tired when we were done.